Code of Consent & Ethical Conduct of BDSM
This code applies to everyone involved in and/or attending Kinky Kollege. You are expected to uphold our Code of Consent & Ethical Conduct presented here. This code is not comprehensive. Real world situations often involve a complicated interaction of factors. However, this should never be used as an excuse. In situations that are ambiguous, you are unsure of what to do, or the situation is not covered by the Code of Consent & Ethical Conduct, consult Kinky Kollege Staff for advice and further clarification.
*Please Note: We don’t expect you to be perfect. We do expect you to strive to be the best version of yourself, and to help others uphold the standards set forth.
Code of Consent:
It is everyone’s responsibility to understand, ask for, and chose whether to give or withhold consent. Consent is a mutually understood agreement, entered into freely and willingly, granting a specific set of permissions that can be withdrawn at any time. Together, we seek to create a safe and consensual space where people are accepted and able to explore themselves and their sexuality. These are the consent guidelines we expect everyone at Kinky Kollege events to practice while you are at the event:
- No touching people or personal property without permission. Explicit verbal permission must be obtained before intentionally touching anyone. It is the responsibility of the person initiating the activity to ensure consent has been gained prior to starting.
- Treat everyone as an equal by default. Kinky Kollege welcomes people from all walks of life, and does not tolerate discrimination, under any terms. Everyone has responsibility to obtain, provide or withhold consent regardless of sex, gender, race, ethnicity, ability, age, orientation, relationship status, sexual power dynamics, or any other identity. We do not tolerate any form of harassment or abuse (verbal, physical, emotional, or sexual). Harassment includes offensive verbal comments (related to gender, age, sexual orientation, disability, physical appearance, body size, race, religion, or political believes), deliberate intimidation, stalking, following, harassing, photography or recording, sustained disruption of classes or other events, inappropriate physical contact, and unwelcome sexual attention. We do not tolerate the use of misogynistic, homophobic, transphobic, ableist, or racist language.
- Each participant is responsible for making sure, to the best of their ability, that everyone involved has the physical, mental, and emotional capacity to give informed and voluntary consent during negotiation and during the activity itself. Respect indecision—which means there is no consent. Do not set out to convince someone of any answer or to try to change their mind. Respect someone saying NO. If someone says NO, don’t ask them that thing again. Be gracious in accepting someone saying no to you.
- Gain consent for each different activity. Agreeing to one thing does not imply consent to anything else. Participants need to agree on meanings for safe words or safe signs when they are being used. Anyone can withdraw consent at any time during any activity. All participants shall endeavor to be clear and unequivocal when withdrawing consent. Make every effort to understand coercive influences. We encourage everyone to be aware that “Yes” does not always mean “Yes.” Consent should at all times be enthusiastic, informed and continual. All participants are responsible for stopping immediately any activity at the withdrawal of consent from anyone. Never assume there exists an implied consent. Someone has the right to change a predetermined agreement. Consent must be ongoing.
- We expect everyone involved to uphold the value of honesty. Honesty means never deceiving another, or oneself, through either actions, words, or omission. Being honest means compassionately and kindly communicating information that is relevant to your interactions with another. Be Honest. Consent is uninformed if it is gained through dishonesty.
- If your consent is violated or you experience a consent injury, verbally tell an event organizer, or clearly marked representative of Kinky Kollege. There is a procedure in place to help you. If you are unable to do so, inform the Kinky Kollege event director by email as soon as possible. It is your right to report what happened to you and to ask for support.
- Violation of the consent policy may result in expulsion from the event and/or temporary or permanent ban from Kinky Kollege events or activities. There are procedures in place to handle violation of this policy and those procedures will be followed by all staff, and representatives of Kinky Kollege. No one is exempt from the policy.
Ethical Conduct BDSM
We also expect everyone involved with Kinky Kollege to model consensual ethical BDSM values both inside and out of the dungeon and classrooms. This means, unless explicitly negotiated otherwise, engaging in the above mentioned model of consent. This includes but is not limited to the following principles:
- Do not negotiate during a scene. If someone asks to add something to a scene that was not negotiated before hand, say no and add it to things to be discussed when negotiating before your next scene with the person (assuming you decide to scene again together).
- Hurt not Harm. To harm someone is lasting damage that diminishes a person’s ability to enjoy life or pursue happiness. You should strive to never harm another. Avoid unintentional pain. Intentional pain for pain sake, is good. Intentional pain for pleasure, is good. Annoying Pain, will always be annoying—could lead to not playing together again.
- Confidentiality, keeping things private. You may have access to personal information about individuals and/or other confidential matters. As such it is a condition of your engagement as a Participant, Teacher, Staff, and/or Representative of Kinky Kollege that you will not disclose any such personal, confidential, or sensitive information that you may receive. You shall not use or attempt to use any such information in any manner which may cause or be calculated to cause injury or loss to either Kinky Kollege or anyone in attendance of the event.
- Integrity is the value of striving to apply all ethical considerations consistently across different situations and throughout our lives. We expect everyone involved in Kinky Kollege to be positive examples of Ethical BDSM practitioners at all times. Remember you only have one name and one reputation.
Disclaimer: Every reasonable effort will be made to enforce this policy, but neither Kinky Kollege or Social Interactions of the North Shore (DBA Leather SINS) make representations or guarantees about its ability to do so. Each situation is unique and will be reviewed on a case by case basis. All participants and attendees retain full, sole responsibility for their safety and the safety of others with whom they interact. Ethics and ideologies, as well as our understanding of them, can change over time. As such this is a living document. This means that we will do our best to update it to reflect current best practices and our beliefs. Whenever significant change to the spirit of this document occurs, it will be done in consultation with the board of directors for Kinky Kollege. We understand that this policy can not cover every situation. As such we welcome the continuing discussion about the improvement of this policy.